The Battles You Don’t See

 

"The battles you don't see" 

Guest Blog from @expressionessd1

It's not often I feel compelled to write, writing can be very personal and not something people always want to share. Their lives, because let's be honest here, we're given a set of expectations on us as a society, lately I find myself getting angry at people in society. You know why? They don't know the battles others are facing, to be fair if you sat on Twitter all of the time you would soon see them.. often they are heartbreaking. Many of them are actually injustices against people. 

To quote out of a favourite film of mine

'What's wrong with the world”?

"People”

I am of course talking about the film ‘An Affair To Remember’. If you know it, it's actually a complex love story about the challenges that a couple face when they fall in love, and nothing seems to happen the way that Mills and Boon portrays. 

Well life is like that, people are facing challenges you can't imagine beyond your own circumstance. Sure, you're probably thinking but we have that covered, as a society. I used to think that too, when I lived in my own bubble of circumstance. Often with minor irks. I used to be you, the person who worked hard, the person that had that set of goals installed into her, I reached for those goals too, often alone. But proud to have achieved them. I am not judging anyone here, I don't know your circumstances.  

But please allow me to share a few of mine, once my bubble collapsed. 

I'm a mother, like many of you. I am also a carer, like many of you out there. My daughter is disabled, she wasn't born that way. Some children are, I can't tell you which is worse. I can tell you though as a parent it destroys something inside you. Those hopes, dreams, their lifestyle and yes, even mine. But you learn to adapt, you start setting new dreams and new goals - but you do need help to achieve them. 

My daughter was 13, oh how I did not plan for those battles, she's 20 now. She went to school, like your child used to, like your child participated in sports day. She walked to school like some of your children did and do. 

Then on the 27th January 2013 that all changed. She woke up screaming my house down in pain. We all want to make it right for our children, fix what is broken. Hospital visit after hospital visit, this is no easy task for someone in so much pain, admissions, scans, nothing. 

The child psychologist said it is all in her head. Seriously! This is the only time I have ever asked her if she is really in pain. Imagine having to ask your own child if they are really in pain? 

The next time I saw the consultant, I was having none of it. That was the one moment that changed everything. They came back and said that there was a problem after all. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. But it was her that kept me going, you see, there was nobody else. 18 months later, we saw a spinal surgeon.

You would think that was the battle, but no, that was just a small part of it.

There were battles with the school, battles with the Local authority, processes to follow to get somewhere - Processes that are fundamentally flawed. Tribunals for support, Occupational health, Social workers, Education welfare, and you know what, the services are broken. 

This is as well as trying to be a full time carer and a full time worker. I had to reduce my hours to part time to meet my daughters needs. My mental health was terrible, being gaslit, lied about. Having to work your way through guidance, process and legality. Thank God for my parents, who helped. 

Then there is the Department of SEN and the DWP. How much is one person meant to handle with all of their processes?

After 4 years I took it to the Ombudsman, with evidence, this took another year. This was my daughter's education, the very thing she needed to function in life, the very thing I had installed into her to get by, to achieve, to be able to work. 

"The reason mother nature gave me you mum was cause she knew you'd fight for me” - My daughter aged 14. 

"Does this mean I won't be able to work mum?" My daughter, aged 13. 

But that's is only just a tiny snippet into my life and hers. There is so much more I have left out. But both our lives changed. 

My point of writing this? The systems are broken, there are many parents out there who are struggling inside themselves, there are many children going without and they all need you, as part of society, to take a stand. 

No man and no woman is an island. Stop, don't automatically think you can’t help someone who has nothing. You can, be it financial support,  friendship or direct action. Each time I have entered into a process, I have strived to make it better. It may not have helped my daughter, but I hope it will help your children. 

I am not sharing for me. I am sharing it in the hope you will think of the quotes each time you see someone online who needs your help. 

Thanks for reading. 

You can follow @expressionessd1 on Twitter.