On this particular occasion, the person being described so accurately is Conservative MP David Davis. Not David Davies - Davis. Davies is a narcissistic splodge of poison himself, but Davis? He really is something else.
Somehow, career political failure David has a very important job. The type of job that requires competence at the very minimum. Already, you can tell Davis is not suitable for the position. The title is Secretary of State for exiting The European Union, in short, the minister for Brexit. David works very closely with Boris Johnson and fellow Brexiteer, Dr Liam Fox. British media have lovingly named them 'The Three Brexiteers'. But they seem to have forgotten all about Liam's special friend Adam -where Liam goes, Adam follows.
But we shall save that for another day.
Davis is always keen to point out his council-estate upbringing. I don't understand why politicians do this. If the electorate will make an Eton-schooled Bullingdon toff Prime Minister then it shows they are paying very little attention to a politicians upbringing. Davis has attempted to lead his party on 4 occasions, losing every time. His last effort, back in 2005, ended with a 64,398 votes to 134,446 defeat to some chap called David Cameron, and we all know what happened after that.
Anyway, let us take a closer look at some of his past expense claims uncovered in the 2009 expenses scandal. I have to say, Ive seen past claims for most members of parliament and Davis really is quite something. Questioning these MPs has led to me being blocked by 81 of them, but I, like anyone else, have the right to expect some accountability. Davis voted against same-sex marriage, he voted to cut ESA by £30 a week. The hardship he inflicts on people though the power of his vote is something we have the right to question.
*Takes deep breath*
Claims submitted by Davis under the Commons’ additional costs allowance system show that he, well, we, paid £5,704 for the portico – an open porch that normally protects a property’s front door from the weather. The bill was “to supply and install a new portico to front door entrance, new matching gate and frame to courtyard and six-pane window to out building”. The Commons fees office agreed to pay the bill two weeks later. This was to stop the bad weather damaging his front door. Now unless Davis lives in a lighthouse that simply doesn't work for me. What an absolute waste of taxpayers money. I have asked him to justify this on numerous occasions, every time met with silence.
Davis spent about £5,000 on home furnishings, including £658 to decorate his kitchen and utility room and £640 on a flax carpet for the breakfast room.
In 2008-09 he charged £46.33 for changing a lamp in a floodlight at the property. Nearly 50 quid to change a lightbulb!
Davis’s receipts also indicate that he claimed for the cost of mowing and rolling paddocks at his home. He claimed for a £647 bill from his gardener in 2005-06, and another £913 for rolling the “back paddock” and the “west paddock” the following year. Davis claimed for the £414 cost of overhauling his ride-on tractor mower, including the cost of a new tractor brush, a “deck bearing housing slinger”, a spark plug and fresh engine oil. The claims indicate that he billed the taxpayer for hundreds of gallons of kerosene every year to heat his house, which he bought with his wife Doreen in 1989. In 2005-06 he claimed £3,020, then £1,724 in 2006-07 and £3,609 in 2007-08. Overall he bought 23,887 litres (5,254 gallons) of heating oil at taxpayers’ expense.
A typical home would between £600 and £1,000 in oil a year.
Would you say Mr Davis represents excellent value for money?
One thing rarely mentioned when talking about Davis is his views on the death penalty. Hidden away in the archives of The Torygraph - "David Davis demands restoration of death penalty". A view shared by other senior Tories, including the Minister for hate, Priti Patel and all-round general arseclown, Michael Gove. But don't worry, Davis is thought to prefer the lethal injection method rather than hanging, according to The Telegraph.
Now think about this one carefully. David Davis will have some sort of input in redefining your human rights. The Tories have been dying to take your rights away for years, and replace it with The British Bill of Rights. This useless greedy hypocrite that puts on a wonderful civil liberties mask to play up to a very selective audience is bad news Britain, really bad news.
David Davis is way out of his depth, and it will be the British people that will drown because of it.
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